I'll Keep It Hidden

My world is falling, crumbling apart, life is meaningless & that's just the start
My hearts so sore, I can feel it breaking & I swear to god it leaves me shaking
Late at night till early in the morning, lying in bed eyes wide open. Didn't sleep last night, like all the others, instead I just lie crying in the covers
Quick, wipe away all the tears before they come near. must hide this depression & the feelings of fear
For all they know I'm happy & always smiling, but deep inside my soul is dying
I can feel it rotting, it wants to scream, but I won't let it... not for the time being
I can never tell them how I feel cause the happiness I wear to them is real
For them to hear that I wish I was dead... it would kill them, they'd be filled with dread
So I'll try my best no to be selfish, I'll keep my secret hidden & just let them rest
but god I can't take it much longer... I'll probably be dead before they even wonder.

Better life:

you were a liar...
you were a cheater...
and it's hard to imagine seeing you again, only this time...
you have supposedly changed...
-
are you really the new person everyone says you are?...
i can't tell...
-
i guess that's just another disadvantage of being blind to the world...
i also see that you can't change you're morals and values...
-
why can't you just change for the better of everyone?...
i mean, we would all be way better off...

You Never Cared:

You had me, you left me, you never cared,
I was your second child and still you weren't  prepared.

On the lonely nights when I was sad,
You were the one who made me feel bad.

You  were never there to wipe my tears,
You weren't there for me throughout the years.

When I was lonely you weren't there,
I guess that's because you didn't care.

I could never forgive you for what you did,
Because sometimes I wished I was dead.

Without a mother I was lost and confused,
If parenting were a contest you would lose.

Call me or write me you never did,
How could you do that to your own kid.

You had me, you left me, you never cared,
You are the reason that I was scared.

All those days that I've been upset,
Will soon become your biggest regret,

You never even called just to say hi,
You never even called just to say goodbye.

Years and years past and still no word,
The words I love you I never heard.

When I was sick you didn't comfort me,
When I was hurt you didn't bandage me.

I don't want you to be a part of my life,
No matter how many times you apologize.

I'm just gonna pretend like you didn't even exist,
 Because you didn't even give me one last kiss.

You had me, you left me, you never cared,
My most important memories we never shared.

Love Hurts too:

i'm begging you to stay.
you know i need you to live... to breathe.
what else can i do when i wanna die?
that's why i come to see you.
-
when i'm about to grab my blade,
that's when i wanna see you the most.
that's why i always come to you.
in the beginning and in the end.
-
always promise me that you won't leave me.
i'd cry for days, maybe years...
i wouldn't be able to take it...
you know i can't live for more than a day without you.
-
show me that she doesn't mean anything to you...
because it looks to me like you're cheating...
please tell me that it's not the truth.
i'm dying out on the inside...
-
you know that without you, the world is cruel to me...
and you know that i'll miss you like hell if you leave.
stay with me so i can breathe instead of bleed.
and tell me you love me just one more time...
　
　
　
LOST LOVE:
my heart pounds as i pick up my blade...
i reach for my sleeve and roll it up...
knowing what will happen if i do...
-
i watch as the lights turn out behind me.
and i watch as the notebook from my backpack flies into my hands.
-
i open it up and there's a note from my dearly beloved in it.
-
i read the note as if i don't really care anymore...
-
"please stay with me, you know i can't live without you... don't make this hard on us."
-
i cried for what seemed like days after looking it over...
and i looked beyond what the note said and i thought about you...
what would happen if you were alone.
and what would happen if you were alone without me there to be yours...
-
then i realised that my life was all a lie...
i looked at my rolled up sleeve and then at my cold metal blade in my hand...
and i looked all around in the darkness surrounding me in solitude...
-
i took one last breath before i opened up my notebook...
-
the note you left me was written in red ink on my paper...
it looked like blood in the darkness but i couldn't tell the difference...
they both look the same to me.
-
anyway...
i took out the black ink pen i had in my dresser drawer and started to write a note to you...
-
"my love, don't think anything different of me... but, i'm no longer going to be with you in a sense of life itself..."
-
then you called my cellphone and i picked it up...
"hello?... who is this?..."
-
you said, " don't act like you don't know who this fucking is!..."
and i said, " why can't i be myself anymore?... what is this society coming to?..."
-
it took you a few minutes to come up with an answer...
it was a shitty answer but it was still an answer...
-
you said, " you are becoming just what i thought you would become!"
i said, " what did i become justin?..."
-
you answered me with, " you became a selfish jackass!"
and i just sat there and wanted to cry so badly...
but i know that crying over you would be a sign of weakness.
so i just sat there and bit my lip...
-
when you said, " i wish you would just be normal instead of this emo shit..."
i wanted to just slash my wrists then and there...
-
then i answered you with, " you think i want to be this way!?... oh hell no! if i could do this all over again don't you think i would?..."
and you said, " i don't know because i'm not as fucked up as you!... i'm leaving now and for good!."
-
and you hung up the phone...
-
i just sat there in the dark for hours...
thinking about what you just said to me...
-
i looked at my clock, it said it was about 12 mid day...
so i just sat there in the corner of my room...
waiting for something that would never come...
-
then i looked down from my ipod long enough to see that i was still holding my blade...
and i looked as my sleeve was already rolled up...
i knew what i wanted to do...
-
i wanted to end it all then and there but...
i won't die on you're account...
-
don't worry about me because i'll be in a better place someday...
without you...
-
someday, i won't have to cry anymore...
because of you... i don't have anymore tears left to cry...
-
i then took my blade and felt the cold metal dig down deep into my skin...
and i watched as the blood trickled down my arm and down to my rolled up sleeve...
then i think to myself, the lie isn't quite over yet...
-
and finally i decide to slash up everything i had left...
i burned down every memory i had of you or anything that could've hurt me in any way...
and i watched as they were eaten by the flames of my despairs...
-
i watched as i washed off the blood from my cuts...
now that they are cleaned off, i can see clearly how deep the cuts went...
and i saw that this time, i might have went too far...
-
i still didn't care very much about myself or you...
so i hope you have fun in hell...
because by the time you get there, i'll be raising it like my child...

My Life in Hell:

don't tell me you're sorry, because i know you lied to me.
-
don't tell me that you don't like seeing me throw my life away,
because you do it too.
and i know you do, because i've seen you doing it...
-
you and i both bleed.
so let's just forget and move on.
-
i know it's hard for you but look at me...
-
i drank bleach for God's sakes!
-
and you tell me that you're life is shit?!
-
yeah, that's bull!
stop saying that beause you knew i grew up in a homeless shelter.
you had it easier off than i did, and you know it.
-
i used to be a cutter!
look at those damn scars and tell me that you're life is hell!
-
yeah, that's what i damn right thought...
you always want to show up to me don't you?!
-
that's over for you and me now, because unlike you... i can move on with life.
so goodbye forever now...

Battle scars:

you always say that you'll be there for me...
why aren't you here now?
-
keep in mind that i'd take bullets for you...
it's not just you that hurts when you bleed.
it's me too...
-
always tell me you love me...
because one day i won't be here to hear that sweet sound...
-
tell me you miss me and i will believe you.
because you know i miss you too...
-
stay by my side and never let me go...
because i've already let myself go...
-
i've been falling into the clouds for so long...
and it doesn't seem like you care too much at all...
do you?...
-
show me that you care, someway...
somehow...
-
i love you and you know i always will.
show me that you do too.
-
i've cried too many tears...
and i've got too many scars.
-
show me that there's more to life than just this...